Divorce

Divorce is not a decision to be entered into lightly. The decision to divorce, or to stay together and work it out, is the most important you may ever make.

It is only when we consider divorce for ourselves that we recognize the enormous disruption and devastation the event can bring. For those who are separating, the fights can be draining, disruptive and unbearable. For the one who's leaving, the guilt may be overpowering. For the one who is left behind, the rejection may be ego shattering. In the wake of divorce, children may find themselves bereft of a parent. They may feel they have caused the divorce, that they are to blame. The death of a marriage inspires, among other emotions, anger, grief, and fear.

Taking the Decision to get Divorce

There are, of course, many reasons for divorce, including sexual infidelity, a lack of interest, a difference in values, and abuse. It is your decision to either try and work through these issues or end the relationship. If you have made the decision to divorce then you need to seek legal advice. There are many options, so find what suits your situation best.

Divorce Laws

There are different laws of divorce. These laws will depend on the kind of marriage you have.

If you have a civil divorce or a customary divorce or a religious divorce, the laws will be different.

You are urged to seek legal advice should you decided that a divorce is the only way forward. Should you not be able to afford legal advice please contact the Legal Aid Board (South Africa). The Legal Aid Board's role is to "provide legal aid to those who cannot afford their own legal representation. The of the Legal Aid Board is to provide legal aid to as many poor people as possible, including vulnerable groups such as women, children and the rural poor." Their tollfree contact number: 08610 53425 or Head Office: (011) 877 2000 or visit their website www.legal-aid.co.za for provincial numbers.

What about the children?

The decision to divorce should never be made in the aftermath of a fight. Divorce is final and should be considered carefully, not just for its impact on you, but also for its impact on your children.

If you and your partner are thinking about divorce, there are important matters to make decisions about. It is recommended that these decisions are not made during heated arguments. A third party could be brought in, for example an Attorney, to assists with these decisions and their implications. Make sure to discuss the following:

Custody – who will look after the children?
Maintenance - who contributes financially, and how much, towards the children's expenses?
Visitation rights - who sees the children and when?
Property - who keeps what assets?

If the parents cannot agree on who should look after the children, the court will decide this. The court has a responsibility to do what is best for the children rather than what is best for the husband or wife.

Children have a right to maintenance until the age of twenty-one. Maintenance is paid to the parent who has custody. If maintenance is not paid, the parent who has custody can go to the Maintenance Court.

The pending divorce must be discussed with the children. Provide information acording to their age level.Click here to hear how Sam and his family were chatting about the divorce and how they feel about it. (The page is extracted from the children's section on divorce.)

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