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I like going to school; I like going home;

it's the bit in between I don't like.

I wish we could sell our teachers.

Why? 'Cos I read that at auctions Old Masters are fetching big prices.

BULLY: Are you trying to make a fool out of me?

PUPIL: No, I never interfere with nature.

TEACHER: Who gave you that black eye?

PUPIL: No one gave it to me, sir. I had to fight for it.

Simon was the school swot.

The other children used to pick him up and swot flies with him.

What nationality are you?

Well, my mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba so I guess that makes me an ice cube.

Did you hear about the schoolboy who turned up at school with only one glove on?

The teacher asked him why and he replied,`Well, the weather forecast said that it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be quite cool.'

What did you get for Christmas?

A mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had.

Why?

My Mum gives me one pound a week not to play it.

Two boys were fighting in the playground.The teacher separated them and said sternly,

`You mustn't behave like that! You must learn to give and take.'

`We did, miss,' replied one of the boys. `He took my crisps and I gave him a thump.'

MORE JOKES COMING UP!

KEEP READING!

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

Pupil: 12, there is 2nd January, 2nd February...!

Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?

Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you?

Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?

Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name?

Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.

Pupil: My dad won't like that.

Teacher: Why is that?

Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?

Because his class was so bright!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?

He couldn't control his pupils!

Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the wife of a Sultan is called?

Pupil: A sultana!

Teacher: Where are elephants found?

Pupil: I don't know, they are so big I didn't think they could get lost!

Teacher: If you add 34,312 + 76,188, divide the answer by 3 and times by 4, what do you get?

Pupil: The wrong answer!

Teacher: If there are seven flies on a desk and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?

Pupil: Just the squashed one!

Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention

Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!

Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

Pupil: There it is.

Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

Pupil: Fred did!

Pupil: I wished we lived in the olden days

Teacher: Why is that?

Pupil: We wouldn't have so much history to learn!

Teacher: What kind of birds do you find in captivity?

Pupil: Jailbirds!

Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?

Pupil: Mice

Teacher: Good, now what's the plural of baby?

Pupil: Twins !